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The Starfish Bride

I just shot a wedding in Hawaii. I've always wanted to say that. As a matter of fact I'm saying it out loud as I'm typing,  because it feels so good. Not just because as a photographer you dream of such things, but because for me it was life full-circle. Raised in Hawaii since I was four months old, the wedding was just one sandy strip away from where I grew up gathering shells, getting pummeled by waves, and eating sand. Not on purpose of course...

As the 6'4" Brigadier General towered over his precious bride, her three children looked on. Bare feet with sand clinging to their toes from their morning jaunt in the ocean, the family gathered for an intimate ceremony on the bluffs of Bellows AFB General's estate. The attentions to detail were personal. She was his starfish. He told her a story one day when they first fell in love: There was a cranky old man walking down the beach amidst a slew of stranded starfish. Suffocating in the sand, a young woman came by and began to throw them one by one back into the sea. He looked at her and said, "My dear, why waste your time throwing them one by one back into the sea. There are far too many to save. How could you possibly think this is going to make a difference?" The young woman answered as she picked up each starfish and said, "It matters to that one", and  flung it to the ocean. "And that one...and that one...and that one..."

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Are you ready to POP?

Are you about to POP the question? Let me be of service! (And I don't mean as just your photographer ;0)

I'm here to save you from yourself...ah you are cute and all, even with that hole in your knee from bending and the tendinitis from practicing the art of opening that precious ring box you've kept hidden in your underwear drawer (because that is the one place you know us gals will never dare venture...). You've watched the Robins Brothers ads with her sitting next to you, ached with excitement that you knew something she did not..finally...

You are counting down the days, your palms sweat at the thought that this, this one moment that is all yours, is about to become a reality. The bride dreams of the wedding day, the groom dreams of the day he's paid off the ring, OH and holds his sweetheart in his arms...forever.

This Valentine's Day I'd like to be the cricket on your shoulder, and give you a little heads up, some tools to work with for once you have announced to the world you will be husband and wife. And that at least for a little while, you actually knew something that she didn't know...

~~~~~~~~~~~

What the heck does a photographer know about planning a wedding? I mean, all we do is show up and shoot, right?
In actuality, it is the photographer who is essentially the mole of every wedding. It is the photographer who is there from beginning to end, has seen what works, and what doesn’t, and we notice when things run smoothly, or not, and why!

First of all, if you do nothing else first in planning your wedding, re-frame your mind, your thinking, your entire DNA and reboot...you are now a Bride and a Groom.

The first thing to do is plan for TWO budgets. Create a low-budget wedding, which will get you into Heaven with a fast pass. Then plan a higher-end gluttony budget, which will result in a temporary stay in Purgatory. Why two budgets? Because this will allow you to really clarify what means the most to you, and what you can do without! Think about it! When you have to sit and think about what is MOST essential to your day, your priorities are set and you have that referral base to refer to when you start to get out of hand and the local psyche ward needs to be summoned with their ceremonial bridal straight-jacket.

1.    Once you have determined what is most important to you, get those vendors set in stone EARLY. Did you know most photographers book about six months in advance?

2.    Saturday is not always the best day to get married...Consider a Friday night or on a Sunday! The most popular day to book is Saturday, so the demand is there and vendors are sometimes overbooked on those dates and locations are at their peak. Also, really think about an off-season wedding! You’d be surprised at the extra-delightful tone you would receive on the other end of the line by vendors if you approach them with a January, February or early March wedding. This is slow time for the industry and everyone has come off of the holidays. This is a great time to look for deals even from the most elite vendors ;0)

3.    Don’t be afraid to look at vendors your other vendors recommend. First of all, if they recommend someone, there’s usually a reason. The vendors I recommend, I’ve seen in action, I love not only their work, but their personalities!!!! Remember, as I said, vendors are people too, and the personalities of your vendors will help to dictate the personality and vibe of your entire day! You may have found a florist with gorgeous flowers, but what if they don’t work well with others, what if there are certain restrictions with the church or with the reception area and they get super cranky and upset the planner/coordinator and then the florist doesn’t care as much as they used to so your flowers show up an hour late and the photographer is off schedule and the portraits are late, so the mother of the bride is cranky which results in an argument which is heard by the priest…..well….you get the idea…

4.    On items that mean a lot to you both, make sure both bride and groom meet with each and every essential vendor together. I was pleasantly surprised when my manly hubby-to-be actually cared which flowers we used! You end up learning a lot about each other and realize that the decision-making you are enduring and sharing together in planning a wedding is a wonderful blueprint opportunity for how you will be making other decisions in the future. This is a time, which will be the barometer for future negotiations. Don’t be afraid of this experience, embrace it and realize that this event is a gift to yourselves as a couple embracing the rest of your lives.

5.    Remember that a big wedding is not always going to be the most memorable. Well, to rephrase….you may remember the debt….but please, from the bottom of my digitally archived heart, know that your guests really don’t mind if they don’t go home with a silver plated shot glass from Tiffany’s. (well, ok, I’ve secretly longed for such a treasure, but we’ll keep this to ourselves…)

6.    Your friends love you, THAT’s why they are there! OK, you may have some social climbers and dysfunctional family members as well, but in the end this is a party for you and your loved ones. Period end of story. Don’t forget this when planning your wedding. Select flowers which make you FEEL beautiful, which will brighten the hearts of those you love. Don’t go picking bouquets to impress. If you choose elements for your day because they feel right to you, it will all fall into place. This may seem whimsical, but I’ve seen it over and over again.

7.    Don’t be afraid to hire a wedding coordinator for Day-Of services! Many coordinators offer this service at a minimal expense in the larger scheme of things!!! It is a GIFT to yourself and your family, your mothers especially, to have that one contact person for all of the vendors, who ensures that your day will go smoothly. They do it all that day…and are your best friend so that your maid of honor and best man can do their jobs of tending only to you, not running around trying to contact the linen guy because the tables aren’t set yet!

8.    If you are getting married outside, if there is even a 10% chance of rain, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE BACK-UP TENT PROVISIONS!!!!! Make sure the site, or your planner has this locked in. I shot one of the most beautiful weddings in Malibu where it got completely rained out and the entire table settings were drenched,favors were ruined, and the entire reception had to be reset during the ceremony...

9.   Think of your wedding as your baby which is growing and festering inside. It is your belly, nobody else's, and you have the right to tell anyone not to touch it. Your wedding is your personal space, to be respected. Yes, if your parents are paying for part or all of it, it is the loving thing to do to inquire as to their suggestions, but in the end it is up to you as to how you will remember your day.

10.  Most of all, remember NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, LIFE IS ABOUT STORIES! Not every wedding is going to be perfect, there will probably be little things here and there which can go wrong, but at the end of the day there are only three people who need to show up: You two, the minister, and well…..let’s make it four (your photographer…;0)

My First Wedding

The very first wedding I ever shot was on a Saturday, and on Tuesday my images were on Martha Stewart. Four months later there was a full four page spread on my work in Professional Photographer Magazine and the rest should we stay is history. From then on I had somehow undeservedly become this phantom success that everyone wanted to figure out. Because of my perceived accomplishment in the photography world I suddenly seemed to know a secret that no one else could figure out. The emails flooded in from around the world, asking me how I did it, how did I make it? I didn’t understand. In my eyes I wasn’t successful yet, I was just beginning to figure this whole photography business thing out for myself.

My situation was the classic definition of success. Success is when preparation meets opportunity. In my case, it was preparation meets chutzpah meets damn good luck.

My first wedding was a referral from my oldest daughter’s 4th grade teacher. I had already been shooting portraits and headshots for years, and every year offered a free session to my children’s teachers and their families, just my way of saying thank you. Prior to my business taking off, I too was completing my credential program when I had to make a decision between teaching and photography as there was no way I could do both, and do both well, as well as be a wife and mother of four with two dogs and rotating reptiles. My first bride and groom were a dream come true in every sense of the word and are still two of our best friends to this day. She insisted on paying me, money I found difficult to accept as I had never shot a wedding before. She had faith in me from my work on my site and we moved forward on a minimal budget. Unbeknownst to me, she happened to be marrying the brother of a well-known actor on a prime time series. Although his brother looked familiar with his chiseled Hollywood good looks, I could not place his celebrity but found it comforting that placing his face eluded me. The wedding took place at the actor’s home in tony Sherman Oaks, he was best man, his wife maid of honor and their 2 little girls were flower girls. Where budget lacked, ingenuity reigned. The ceremony took place atop the hot tub covered with wooden planks and the reception held in their French colonial style backyard. The groom’s mother purchased clean lined roses in delicious pastels from the flower mart in downtown Los Angeles. Clusters of twisting pedals grouped in simple square glass containers graced the center of each table all to the tune of $250. Tealight candles nervously twitched around the flowers with a simple chocolate brown and white polka dotted ribbon. Her dress was a silken sheath, the groom beamed in a cream linen suit. Portraits were taken along a stone wall in front of their wooden fence dividing their properties, protocol was dismissed and joy abound.

I didn’t know how good I had it until this wedding put me on the virtual map of wedding photographers. I had no idea this simple, lovely, unaffected event would change my life forever. It was not any international wedding with secret service attached, nor was it a movie star which would dictate a five digit fee once my name was associated with them. This was a wedding occurring from sheer serendipity, with goodness and grass roots anchoring it solidly in reality. I did not have fancy camera gear. The entire wedding was shot solo, with a Nikon D-70, 2 batteries and an SB-800 flash, which I had no idea how to use properly. At this point I thought the head on it swiveled so I’d have something to play with if I got bored. I may not have had the best technical chops at this point for shooting weddings, but boy did I have heart. I knew just enough to work my ass off to get the shots. My heart raced in my chest from the moment I saw the flower girl staring up at her taffeta dress hanging on the closet door, to the middle of the ceremony when their youngest daughter crawled onto her grandpa’s lap and whispered in his ear. My palms sweat from the moment they kissed to the reception when the only way to get an over head shot of the reception, at night, was to crawl up on their roof. If there were ever a wedding boot camp, this was it for me, because it meant that much to me that there was no way in hell I was going to get it wrong, even if I didn’t know everything I was supposed to. I was going to figure it out and not miss a beat along the way. I was a wedding virgin, and my cherry had been popped. Just like your first time, it hurts a little, but no matter how much pain you feel, God forbid you let on that you are the least bit uncomfortable in fear of taking any joy away from the other party involved.

I left that night with blisters on my feet and a right hand that was frozen in the shape of a D-70. I barely slept that night, wired from the experience and watching late night TV as I excitedly imported each of my images (in jpeg mind you…I had no idea how to operate in Raw). In looking though my images, one by one certain images would grab my heart. It was a visceral response as to whether the image was truly special. The ones that were hit me like a burst of awe, almost an aha moment of a sudden knowing that something was completely right. Only these images did I pull together and master and emailed them over by morning to the bride and groom. It was only about 10 images from the night, but each I knew were solid, universal moments that would hopefully speak to the couple. Sunday afternoon I received a phonecall from the best-man-brother-actor. My heart stopped. I felt for sure I had done something terribly wrong, why else would he be calling me. Perhaps he was upset that I had climbed out on his roof. Did I break a shingle? For sure it was that I had snapped a twig from the tree during the ceremony so I could get a cleaner shot, or was it that I had fed their dog a piece of my leftovers and it got horribly ill and died…..My thoughts raced around my brain like greyhounds grasping for that piece of meat trying to make sense out of the purpose of his call before he could speak. Then he said, in his calm, eloquent drawl, “Micaela, I can’t tell you how much those images you captured of my family touched me. I going on Martha Stewart on Tuesday. How quickly can you send those files over to the producer in New York?” If my heart had stopped before, it was my tongue that now followed.

Anxiously recording the episode I sat in a surreal haze as I witnessed Martha Stewart congratulating him on his brother’s wedding and commenting on each of my images as they appeared full screen; how lovely the roses clung to one another in the vase, the essence of the day captured in such beauty…. From then on, things were different. My Nikon and I weren’t in Kansas anymore…..

Bensko Holiday Tips as Seen on KCAL 9 Los Angeles

Tips & Apps for Perfect Holiday Pics on KCAL 9

Mic’s Six Tips for Perfect Holiday Pics on KCAL 9!
November 30th at 2:30pm!

1. Busy makes you Dizzy. Stay away from busy prints. Your clothes do not need to match perfectly so relax! The sure bet is blue jeans and white shirts or blue jeans and black shirts, but otherwise don’t get too specific in a color scheme. Just make sure your colors are in the same vein. Natural colors are best such as earth tones or soft blues, evergreen, tans. Just make sure there isn’t one shirt that stands out such as a bright red shirt among all neutral tones, etc.

Notice the tones all flow, and set a tone which is peaceful

2. Don’t Pout It’s Dinner Out! Make it a fun night out, not just a photo session! There’s nothing wrong with promising a trip to see Santa at the mall afterward, or a visit to their favorite restaurant!

3. Smile at the Dial! Your camera is smarter than you think… Those little icons on your camera dial are there for a reason so use them! They actually work! If you don’t have the silhouette icon, then use your Auto Mode if you are not used to Manual.

4. Attach the Flash. Turn off your on-camera flash to avoid harsh light and use an attachable flash. Learn how to “bounce the light” off a large light colored surface whether it be the ceiling or a wall. Most heads swivel and offer a beautiful glowing light if outdoor photography is not an option! My App pick for this tip is the “Light Meter”

Say hello to my leetle friend

5. Invade the Shade. You’d be surprised how beautiful natural light can be right in the shade. Look for an even light, not one spackled with shadows. Some unexpectedly beautiful light can be found under a tree near the trunk, or in your front doorway, even in a dingy garage. Not every location needs to be beautiful, sometimes the beauty comes simply from the light itself.

Great light can be found in your own doorway!

6. The Golden 40. When shooting outside or at the beach, shoot 20min prior to sunset and 20 min after! Download the “Sunrise Sunset” app to your iPhone and you can find out exactly when the sun sets at any beach in the world!

*Check out our TinyPrints Store Front for card ideas!



I hope these pointers help out a little bit. Ultimately the goal is to have HAPPY faces shining from your card, so don’t forget the number one thing to keep in mind is ENJOY THE PROCESS! Leave yourself plenty of time so as not to rush anything, allow the crankiest elf to select their own outfit and work your color scheme around that, and bring lollipops! Maybe even work the lollipop into the photo! Get the big fun swirly kind and let the kids (or grown ups) rock it! It’s the season of JOY, so keep reminding yourself…the process of capturing the image is just as meaningful as the image itself so make it fun for all involved and you just might be the saint of their holiday.

One last thought, please don’t forget your favorite charities this holiday season. My two favorites are a part of my family now: The Iraq Star Foundation, Providing free reconstructive surgery to our troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. As well as The Tempered Steel Organization, Uniting wounded soldiers and the public through dialogue.Both support the troops and are helping to bring peace, hope, love and joy to many military personnel this holiday season.

Happy Holidays to ALL!

Mic’s App Picks for Better Pics!
Portrait Photography 101
Kid Friendly Restaurants
Photo Trainer
Light Meter

The Tempered Steel Photo Introspective on FOX 11 News

Bensko Photography Weddings

Photography & Parenthood

Seventeen years ago, I sat in front of the Christmas tree with an envelope and a swollen tummy. Inside that envelope was the answer to the ultrasound designating my child's genetic induction to the human race.

It was a girl.

My heart expanded and collapsed. My mind raced. I was terrified. How was I to raise a child? Just because I was one didn't mean I knew how to handle one.

That little ultrasound is driving now. I am terrified. Again. I had made it this far, raised her with every ounce of motherhood in my being, only to release her into this world. Then it hit me. Not the car next to us, the realization that my job was nearing its end, but was it good enough? Had I earned my wings of motherhood?

The only thing perfect about my parenting has been the love for my children.

After four children, I believe there is no easy way to parent, there is no right way, there are no text book answers. However I did find a parallel...

Motherhood is similar to photography:

You are successful not just due to manuals or classes,
but mostly through instinct, dedication,
and an unquenchable desire to create something special
which will someday touch the lives of others.
It takes years to see the results you spent your whole life dreaming of.
The pain of giving birth is relieved in the moment you hold that perfect image in your hands.
There will be many mentors, but the result will only be unique if it’s nurtured by you.
Children are like negatives. Not until they fully develop will you see the results of your labor.
Memories are created but never owned,
just as children are birthed,
they must venture out and alter the world
in even the smallest of ways.
It’s the little moments nobody else notices which will grab your heart
burrow into your soul
and change your life…
forever.

Sink Your Choppers into This One