The Ketamine Effect
Saturday, September 21, 2013 at 1:04AM I was going to blog about my Go Pro Hero 3 camera. Then I opened the little instruction booklet. With its tiny pages. And its itty-bitty words and realized I am getting old. Anything with words that small can only be meant for the eyes of an embryo. A very hip embryo - with a riding helmet and a dirt bike. So no, I can't teach you how to use this camera, but I can tell you why I have it. I hope to start recording my itty-bitty world in my teeny-tiny chair. If I could just keep my tush from expanding, we'll be golden.
On September 30th, I will enter ketamine infusions at UCLA with entertaining side effects. Which is why it is known as Special K.
Right now I am experiencing a most unpleasant side effect of a different medication - weight gain. Ten pounds in one week. Side effects. When ankles turn into cankles. And nags turn into hags. It's commercials that tell you everything about the drug, except what condition it is for. When you have to guess its purpose by what the actors do. Which always makes me wonder about the Viagra commercials. They never seem to get to the bedroom. No wonder their pills are blue.
Ketamine is a drug used in human and veterinary anesthesia. This should fine tune my horse imitation to a T. Or a K.
Besides CRPS, I have FUNS. A Forked Up Nervous System. The pathways from my brain to my muscles is a hornets' nest. The ketamine will hopefully break the connections from my brain to my voluntary muscles, allowing my nervous system to 1) rest and 2) reset. Then after two weeks of this procedure on a daily basis, we will begin the four week program at UCLA that puts my body to work in an intensive full time job of doctors' appointments and healing. This pain program is a multi-disciplinary approach that attacks every issue head-on. A brain therapist to rewire the signals from my brain to my muscles through intensive exercises with brain waves. A pain psychologist approaches the emotional aspect of dealing with pain not just for me but my family as well. A physical therapist will be retraining my limbs and discover what mobility might. be regained. I will have a soft-tissue specialist who will re-work my ligament connections that have become static due to immobility. Massage techniques to bring life back to muscles that at this moment simply want to be left to die. And finally, my pain management doctor will captain the ship.
Ketamine has a wide range of effects in humans, including analgesia, anesthesia, hallucinations, elevated blood pressure, and induces a state referred to as "dissociative anesthesia". All I really know is Charlie Sheen would love this stuff. I shall from here on out refer to it as Tiger Blood.
Essentially, for four hours a day, five days a week, for two weeks, I will be hooked, lined and sinkered to a stream of semi-consciousness. The world as I know it will cease to exist, except for the part that's stuck into my arm. Everyone will be super nice and the walls soft as a bunny's fur. If I were to write a novel, it might begin something like this:
Dew clung to the field of clovers beneath her feet. Clara forgot her shoes as fairies often do. Her mother had sewn a pocket with silken thread into a pelt on her hip to hold the things she would need on her daily jaunt. Lipgloss being the most important item for a girl of twelve.
Life was simple in a rather complicated way since she earned her wings that day - when the heavens fell upon the earth. Clara would never forget the way it felt when the skies fell down. Her backpack falling off her shoulder to the ground. Lunch pail slipping from her fingertips. And the voice from somewhere new thrusting into her heart. Her world as she knew it ended that day. But it ended for everyone else so it wasn't as bad as one might think upon the telling of this tale.
Day turned into night, turned into day. And everything was new. The dew. The clovered fields. Where every wish came true. Except for one.
She heard her sisters' voices echo across the pines, peppered by her brother's baritone bass. They always chimed in tandem in this world where siblings never fell apart.
Everyone in Grandum had a wish that came true. And one that did not. It was this one wish that made life worth living since the heavens met the earth that day.
A tap fell upon Clara's shoulder ditching a space within her golden locks of hair. James knew little about patience. A frantic whisper crept from his lips into her ear. Mom wanted her home. It was late. Her wish would have to wait.
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Then I will be startled awake by the nurse who will gently remove the pacifier lollipop from my mouth. My father will choke on his interrupted snore and we will return to our hotel to recover from my day at the UCLA spa-pital. I may not ever learn how to use my Go Pro. But I will never forget how to do the one thing that has saved my life. Writing. I will blog about green eggs and ham and how I sat there Sam I am. Harmony will be my rhythm of choice. And my connection with you will be my lifeline. Just as blogging has been these last two years. My oxygen. The light that reached down to me when all I could see was darkness; pulling me above it all. And that is one side effect I will embrace with every ounce of my being. Ketamine and all.
Reader Comments (1)
I can never and will never be able to express my feelings for and about Micaela. This woman is so full of love and life that I feel I pale in her dust. She (you) my friend are remarkable in strength and hope, in helping us all share with you and be a part of this strange fucked up journey. Sorry but enough is enough. I am with you there, frustrated as I hoped to be physically there, but feel you don't need to expel more energy and rightly so.
I love you Mic