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Sunday
Aug252013

The Night Before 

I searched for the book 'Proof of Heaven' in the Kindle Store because I need it now more than ever before.

My world is upside down. The reality is setting in. Tomorrow morning we will be at the neurologist's office as my symptom now suggest ALS (Lou Gherig's Disease). I cannot begin the CRPS treatment program until we rule ALS out. To do this we need one or two more tests.
The symptoms I have are text book ALS.
As defined by Mayo Clinic it states:
~Difficulty lifting the front part of your foot and toes (footdrop)
Weakness in your leg, feet or ankles
Hand weakness or clumsiness
Slurring of speech or trouble swallowing
Muscle cramps and twitching in your arms, shoulders and tongue
The disease frequently begins in your hands, feet or limbs, and then spreads to other parts of your body. As the disease advances, your muscles become progressively weaker until they're paralyzed. It eventually affects chewing, swallowing, speaking and breathing.~

There is no specific test for ALS. It is diagnosed by the very long and arduous process of ruling other diseases out by endless X-rays, brain scan, MRI's, CT scans, blood work, possible spinal tap and muscle biopsy, Electromyograms and nerve conduction studies. Which is why it has taken a year to rule what my symptoms could mean. We have arrived at CRPS, but now it is ALS we must rule out before we can proceed.

Tonight I fell into my husband's chest and wept so deeply I fell into his heart.

I am not angry at God. I am saddened that it takes the proposition of death, to realize how fragile life can be.

Every prayer that is sent our way is protecting us tonight. I can feel a force around us, catching our tears as they fall. And reassuring me that God has us in His arms tonight as we wait to see If 'Proof of Heaven' is just a book, or if it is a place I will soon see. But no matter what the answer is, I will manage to move forward because this year has taught me to believe.


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