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« The Cane | Main | A Life Lesson In The Pitts »
Wednesday
Apr032013

You're Putting That Where?

Yesterday I had a Discogram. It does not include a disco ball or a liesure suit. I was going to post a YouTube by a doctor that explains it. Not because it was informative, but because he had the most incredible mullett and I loved his Texan accent.

Awe Hayeck, here it is.

Essentially, it's a procedure done if your spine surgeon is considering an operation. In my case, another one. And another one...The patient is put under sedation and a dye is injected into the disc to help definie the disc area under flouroscopy to see if it is causing the pain. (In this case, it's an extreme case of Sciatica in my left leg.) Then they inject it more, and wake you up so you can tell them how much it hurts. Rude right? Wake you up in the midst of a perfectly good sleep. Anyway, the really fun part is when they inject the dye into another disc they suspect, and pump it up and you jolt to the ceiling in order to tell them it is NOT the pain you have been feeling. Cuz in that world at that moment, that too, is information.

Upon having this procedure yesterday, there is good news and bad news. The good news is, you do not have my spine. The bad news is, my Sciatic nerve is "irreparably damaged". I'm renaming it my SADic nerve. There is a 50% decrease in strength and usage of my left leg, and I have developed a lovely gimpish gate worthy of an Oscar nod.

SPINAL CORD STIMULATOR

The next step is the possibility of a Spinal Cord Stimulator implant.I would essentially have a small generator inserted into my spine that sends low voltage (or high voltage depending on if it's a good hair day or not) to block the sensory of pain. The result is, instead of pain, I will have a tingling sensation, so I may use this elswhere as well. The bad news is it could return one to a more active lifestyle. I hate running. Seriously though, it's pretty cool i that the way it works is the electrical current inturrpts the pain signals from reaching your brain. I will have a pulsing generator in my arse. Now how many people can say that without getting arrested.

First they'll implant a temporary stint with an external pack to see if it works for me. Then for 3-4 days I do anything I want to do and see if it helps me (which he feels it will.) If it does help, then they go in and implant the more permanent one in my spine with a wireless remote control I can clamp to my clothing. I plan on jail-breaking it to also operate the Apple TV.

Besides this, the next procedures are facet blocks and then the burning (cauterization) of nerves at various levels. Think of it as a luau. Without the pig. Or the flowers. and all you get to eat is Poi.

It's all a lot to soak in when you are a sponge oversoaked in spinal fluid. The body is getting a bit tired of it all, but my spirit keeps growing stronger. It's so strange how the slower I get, the easier it is to see what I've been missing. So I keep looking at what is wrong, as what is interesting. Because it is. I have never experienced this knowledge of the body, I stand in awe of what I have taken for granted. And if it's all going to heck in a handbasket, I'd better start searching YouTube for basket weaving classes. Who knows, maybe there's one with a guy and mullett, with a really cool Texan accent leading the way.

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