I Gave Up

Like most people, I have a story. The only thing with mine, is that I really screwed up the ending. You see, I had given up. So how did I end up walking again?

It's not that I wanted to be in a wheelchair. I had simply given up.

I was so scared of my dream not coming true, that I gave up, to God.

Everyone said I would do it. My family, my friends, even my doctor said he'd seen miracles happen with Ketamine infusions and their rehabilitation program. But my legs were so dead to me. They would not respond to screams inside my head. Asking my knees to lift was like talking to a wall. Every day I asked, demanded they work.

I demanded. I tried. I sweat. I cried. But I had to give up to believe.

All of the prayers, with modern medicine and a rehabilitation protocol that almost killed my spirit, drew together in a perfect storm. And I was blown away.

It has been two years of agony. A life I never though I would lead. But never again will I lead a life in which I don't believe.

I will believe that darkness is hiding a light. That the impossible is always flawed. I will listen to others who say I can do it, even when my spirit is raw. Because that was my failing. I was so tired and defeated that the only thing I could do was give up. This has been the greatest lesson of my life.

I had become so tired of the fight, that I gave up - to God. I gave up my faith to what He had planned. I gave up my struggle to His hands. I gave up everything I believed because in the end I had faith His will would be. So yes, in the end, I gave up everything that I was taught to believe.

The road ahead will be filled with days slower than before. Every moment is cherished because I can get up to answer the door. There are muscles to build and steps to take that will bring me closer to God. But it all came about because I gave it all up, for an impossible with a flaw.