How Am I Doing

How am I doing?

I attend my appointments each day between eight and four. Lifting my body from the passenger door to a chair I cannot believe is mine. My friends suspend their lives to drive me - so I can be alive. I wheel my way from elevator to doors too heavy to open alone. Twisting my frame and muttering words that resemble a guttural groan.

I have realized the world is different now even though it is still the same. Cracks that swallow my wheels and throw my body out of place.

I have learned the world is no longer meant for those like me. I must change the way I follow God to accept the change I see.

It is as though everything I learned throughout my life has been thrown into the air. Now I must search for missing pieces from the seat of my new chair.

They don't know if I will walk again so we work on what we can. Moving my muscles in therapy with the work of gentle hands.

My dog is the one who sees it all and can tell I'm not the same. But he doesn't care, he just rests his head on the seat of my silver frame.

So how am I doing? I'm rolling along on a ride that has challenged me whole. There is nothing left of who I am when the day comes to a fold. But the good news is I am half way through and in two weeks I will be home; With tools to use and a body stronger than when I began two weeks ago.

So bare with me if I can't explain what is happening each day. It is too difficult to find the words to express what I need to say.

I love each of my friends and family with a force only God could know. My mom my dad my brother my husband my children I love you so.

The night brings relief. I sink into its gift of reprieve. To begin again tomorrow, because you believe in me.